7 WAYS TO DEAL WITH HOLIDAY SADNESS

Holidays are supposed to be a delightful time of year, but for some it is a time of sadness. If you’ve lost a loved one close to the holiday or memeories of a lost loved one are triggered during certain holidays, you might be wondering how you can face this time of year again.

My parents separated when I was young and growing up, I would spend Christmas with my father. It grew to become a tradition that I appreciated as we would have holiday traditions of cooking together, going to shows and other fun activities he would plan. When my dad passed in May of 2011, that first Christmas without him was so tough for me. Even until now, certain things and smells will trigger my memory of him and I get extremly emotional and sad.

Going through emotional roller coasters during the holidays can be very tough, especially if all your family or friends are in another country or just not able to be with you period. If you’re struggling, I wanted to share a few ways to help you cope:

Do things  that make you happy

One way I’ve coped with my sad emotions that come during the Christmas Holiday is to focus my energy and thoughts on activities that make me happy. I’ll listen to my favorite podcasts, give myself a manicure, take a bubble bath, give myself and facial/mask at home or even cook. Find 1 or two things you love to do and do it!

Lean into your faith

I’m a Christian and during the time my father passed I honestly don’t know how I would have made it through sadness, sucidal thoughts and depression without my faith in Jesus Christ and God. During my darkest times and low points in life, reading the bible and listening to Christian sermons and podcasts helped me push through daily. Regardless of your faith, I suggest you take time to study the word of your faith, pray and meditate.

See a therapist

It might feel embarrassing to visit a therapist, but I believe having an unbiased person to talk to can help ease the pain of a holiday without the person you loved most in your life. One of my goals in 2019 is to visit a therapist and I’ll be sure to keep you guys updated on that journey. Being able to talk to a traine professional allows you to open up, without worrying about them being someone you’ll see in everyday life.

Get a healing massage

If you don’t feel like seeing a therapist to talk, a healing massage can also help you destress and feel better. Healing massages aren’t just a matter of tense muscles. Certain muscle groups are associated with grief and pain as well as stress, and releasing them can help you cope.

Learn to say no

If you can’t bare the thought of a holiday tradition that you used to do with the missing family member, don’t do it. Instead, make new traditions to do with your family or friends. Also, if being around certain friends or family members bring you feelings and thoughts of sadness, you don’t have to spend time with them. I’ve learned to love from a distance because I know my feelings are valid. At the end of the day, you need to surround yourself with energy and memories that are positive.

Be satisfied with good enough

Sometimes, people react to their holiday sadness by going overboard. Everything must be perfect, from elaborate designs on the wrapping paper to splurging on the perfect gifts. Take time to sit back, slow down and reflect on what you have so you can work to be content.

Don’t isolate yourself

You may tell yourself you just want to be alone, but we are naturally social species. Being with your family or friends, even if it is a somewhat sad holiday, is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Use this time to confide and open up to people you trust because it’s not healthy to keep pain and sadness bottled up inside.

If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you aren’t alone in feeling sad and it’s ok to work through the emotions. We are human. If you know someone who seems to be feeling emotional or withdrawn, please share this post with them. I hope you find these tips helpful and I’m wishing you strength to push through any holiday that makes you sad or down for whatever reason.

xo Yinka

Photography: Norman Oates